The door slammed in my face. Rain, cold, and wet pelted my body ruthlessly, causing me to shake. Though I am not sure it was entirely from the cold. My heart raced in my chest so fast it hurt.

I had done it this time. She would never let me back in. And not just into her home, but into her heart.

I wanted to scream, to rip my hair out, to die. Why couldn't I just learn? Why did I never think ahead to what my actions may cause to happen? Why was I so damned selfish? She was the best thing...the only thing I could rely on and trust. Yet I couldn't be faithful.

I banged on her door until my knuckles bled, and the rain mixed with my blood and washed it away in pale pink rivulets

"BABY!" I cried, helplessly at the door. "Baby, please. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." Again and again I repeated this until it became a sort of chant, leading me to belive that if I repeated these words enough she would believe me and open the door, take me in her arms, and forgive me.

Thunder clapped overhead, while bolts of lightning Lit up the storming night sky.

My chant didn't work, the door stayed closed. My tears mingled with the rain and slid down my cheeks, only to fall and splash on my sneakers.

This was to be it. I had lost the only girl...woman I had ever loved. And all because I was too immature to show only her my love. Because I couldn't be a man. Nature had given me a man's body but had forgiven to give me a man's sense of character.

I'll never forget that night. The rain, the tears, the emptiness... the love. I think that night is when I became a man. When I let go of my playboy ways, when I lost the only thing I ever really had. When the one thing I could never live without let me know that she could live without me.

It's been years, but not a day goes by that I don't think of her. Her smile still plays across the movie screen of my mind, her laugh, like so many tinkling bells, still echoes off the walls of my mind, echoes but never fades. So many years, and still so much love.

I don't know where she is, or even if she ever forgave me, but I do know two things for sure:

1.) I loved her then, and still do today, and

2.) Some people say that you have to be strng and hold on, She had the most stength when she let me go.