When I looked out the window, you were there. Sitting outside, on the tire swing hanging from the tree in the front yard. Your hair was dripping around your face, and you were probably insanely cold, but you were smiling. Your eyes were closed, and you looked so serene. I wanted to go outside and get you to come outside - you would probably catch pneumonia sitting outside in the cold rain - but I couldn't bring myself to disturb you. You looked as though you were so absorbed in your thoughts, and I knew that you didn't have much time to think, with all the drama surrounding you and Isaac's relationship.

I knew that I had messed up your relationship. I hadn't meant to. We had been best friends for so long, and we had tried our hand at a relationship, but it didn't work then. I thought maybe it would work now. I'm not perfect - far from it. I'm selfish, and I don't think of the consequences before I do things. I also have insanely bad luck, which explains why Isaac walked in right when I leaned forward and kissed you that night. The fact that you didn't immediately push me away probably didn't help the situation any.

I don't know if you feel, or ever felt, the same way that I do and did about you. I do love you, and I always will. The way I love you might change. There are different kinds of love, after all - there's family love, friend love, romantic love, and then the ultimate love, when you feel sparks emanating from your body when you're with that one special person. I know you don't believe in that soul mate stuff, but I do. I don't know why you don't have men flocking to you. You're the most amazing person I know. You're so strong, and beautiful. You aren't perfect - far from it. You smoke too many cigarettes, you drink too much, you have a tendency to snort cocaine up your nose. That's what makes you so wonderful, though. You're not perfect, and I love you for it.

My biggest fear is that you'll leave. You'll just up and leave, and never call me ever again. You really have no reason to stay. Nothing's holding you down here. You don't have any ties, except with me and Isaac. No offense to you, but you have a tendency to run away. When something happens, or you feel like you're getting too close, you get scared and run. That is the one thing that I'm terrified of.