i used to have an eating disorder. sometimes i still catch myself falling back into it - counting calories, having to add calories in my head, freaking out when a single meal is over 200 calories. it's all kind of crazy, and i don't think i'll ever really get away from it.
i never purged. ever. i wanted to so badly, because i loved food, but i couldn't do it. i would shove my fingers down my throat, and all that would happen is that i would inevitably end up gagging with tears in my eyes. it was awful. i just starved myself for months on end. at one point i was living off of about 50 calories a day. it was quite ridiculous, and i don't know how i ever did it.
lilly is not me. just so everyone that i know that reads this doesn't have to worry. there are elements of me in lilly, as there is in every character i write. but it's not me. no worries.
